as the mood of nastalgia washes over me
a moment of recognition
of historical significance for no one in particular
the moment stops
silent tears are falling
a heart the finds out its alone
the crowds that walk by
the faces that don't see
endless chatter that never transforms into conversation
eye contact that is never made
a smile never shared.
its the end of the moment.

its finals time and I'm skipping work to get all my crap done. I have to much to do and no time to do it so I have to make time. I haven't called in sick yet this month so I only feel slightly guilty. I'm sure ACS won't go down in flames if I'm not there.... Thats kind of contradictory since ACS is hell....but whatever you get my drift...

Japanese is still kicking my ass!!!! oh well I knew it was going to be hard. I'm scared about next term I'm going to be away from home alot more but maybe its a good thing? I hope so!!! I'm taking art so I'll be busy with my drawing and my japanese. believe me I've come a long way since I started. I just need to push harder and not be a chicken liver!!!! (chicken liver??? what the crap did I say?? anyway you get the point)

love!!!!!

Tori 

 I'm listen' to Anime music right now. Its so uplifting... what? It is! Don't question my logic. Yes there is logic... lots of it... piles of it... it over flows. I lost twice in a chess game. Its pretty sad if you think about it... v.v. sad. I was pretty mad at myself I'm just so chess lame. I'm going to try to play it online so I can beat Bran at something *side not Bran is my ooober cool geeky roomate with a brian that is pretty amazing. Anyway, I'm moving to the beat of Bleach's second season ending song 'THANK YOU' its just you know awesome. Next will be Naruto's season three's ending song because its all cool and Japanese R&B thing going on...

Enough about my nerdy self...oh wait this is a blog its 'supposed' to be all about me... that sounds so concieted spending time writing about myself oh well what can you do right? Anway I'm done with my blogginess for now TTFN!!!

I promise its a word... well it is in my mind anyways. I'm sitting here in the dungeon trying to figure where I need to go with my paper so that something actually gets done. If you read this and feel ever so compelled I would appreciate it if you would pray!

please?

Love and things,

Me

So today was interesting... actually it was okay. The working world isn't all that its cracked up to be. Me feet are sore. I messed up fifty times today. I don't think they will we keep me on in the rate I'm going. granted everyone is messing up as well, but their is people that are way more into the pleasing aspect. I can say this much at least I smiled through it. Well I'm going to keep on keeping on... trying my best. I can honestly say that I'm exhausted and I have so much to do that its amazing.

Lately I have been tempted a great deal. As soon as I decided that I didn't want to get involved in relationships and that I don't care all these guys come along to annoy me. arrrrggghhhhh....

This was written on a napkin in the restraunt:

I wonder as I sit and wait for my pad-Thai noodles if anyone here thinks it's odd that I sit eating alone. I have this feeling they don't. Would they ever guess that I enjoy eating alone? I sincerely doubt it. The world thinks that to be alone means loneliness. I think that being alone is healthy and freeing; I finally feel as though I get time to contemplate my life. I gather my thought and piece together meaning in my life. It's my time to spend a few moments living the contemplative life. I don't pretend to be a genius needing hours to myself to theorize amazing concepts; rather I'm more like a person who is putting together a puzzle of intrinsic thoughts.
I’m honest enough with myself to know that I enjoy my selfishness-the time in which I spend considering my actions and to weigh the options that life presents me. I look up and see Shiva standing with her palm raised to the heaven she is oblivious to most of the patrons in the restaurant but she is seemingly haunting me, Shiva the lifeless god, an idol created by human hands. I looked at her and wondered how many times I have carved my own gods, do they stand there like her a waste of space?
Lately I have been wondering whether it is better to live the active life or the contemplative life. When living the active life I become forgetful of my conscience of my moral being. I get lost in doing, in moving from one meaningless task to the next. In my constant activity I find that I don’t have time to reason with myself, it’s almost like I don’t have time to reason out my actions, I need to keep going, to keep pleasing. At my job they have their employees in spades, meaning they had us all running around doing mundane tasks with enthusiasm. There was no greatness in the chores but in order to please and make money we did it with this subordinate kind of gratefulness to vacuum their floors. What made the whole thing interesting is that it was expected that to vacuum their floors should be one of our greatest privileges in life. I wonder as I eat my noodles and write out my unorganized thoughts on this napkin how could I can consider this living?

I found out yesterday that I got a job. Not just any job but the job I have always wanted, working in a book store (Barnes and Noble). Who wouldn't want a job like that, Well besides the people who don't like to read? I'm so excited to start tomarrow morning it's going to be an adventure.

also some good news. I'm getting a poem published in our literary magazine here at Warner. I'm so excited. I finally get to have my feelings heard. I hope that everyone reads the poem and it can impact them some how.

I need to go pants shopping so I guess I'm going to lloyd center. oh yay shopping for pants. soooo much fun NOT.

Well.

Love you all!

Tori

oh PS I have a nose ring yayness!

Spring break oh what a waste? hmmmm I need to do better at this whole relaxing thing.

I'm working right now in the dungeon... today is not so bad since I got a break from it for a week.

Also I'm applying for a posistion at Barnes&Nobles....... I want the job really bad so pray hard for me!!!!


I WANT IT

I also get to live on campus this summer w00t I don't have to move!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate moving

ALOT

I don't even have to move next school year either

YAY

I even have a roomate this summer.

and I get to take HEBREW!

with bridget yesssss!!

Hebrew

makes me happy.

okay

love you all

thanks for reading my random blog

~Tori~

Being a girl isn't that exciting sometimes, I'll let you know. Once a month none of your clothes fit, chocolate becomes your regular diet, and your face looks like crater lake. The only advantage of this time of month is that I get to buy large amounts of femine Hygene products and watch as an uncomfortable male checker rings it up. I have to bring some justice to the world of women, I mean the least the male population can do is suffer of embarassment a little it's not like they have to go through what we do monthly.

So as I'm suffering from my little but large problem I'll be down here in the lab typing away for hours on end eating cadbury eggs and sipping on Mt. Dew. If I can thank the pagan form of this holiday for something it would be cadbury eggs. It's the only time of year you can bite into chocolate and into a little piece of creamy heaven...

Much lurrrvvvv to you my bridge and faithful pimptress...!!

Tori

XOXXO

Greetings to the Warner Pacific community.

I wanted to forward the press release from the Oregon Independent College Foundation and the attached Oregonian article if you missed.



Congratulations Warner Pacific College



Coach Williams

WPC Ethics Bowl Team





Subject: Ethics Bowl--outcome and "in the news"



March 13, 2006

Thanks so much to everyone who participated in the OICF’s inaugural Ethics Bowl. We had an outstanding opening program on Friday evening, March 10 (more than 200 in attendance) at the University of Portland. The team matches on Saturday were just outstanding. I heard nothing but high praise from our judges and moderators---more than 30 corporate and community leaders---about the quality of all the students teams.

All ten of the OICF colleges participated in four rounds of team matches. The top two teams from these four rounds went on to the final round. Teams from Marylhurst University and Warner Pacific College were this year’s finalists, with Warner Pacific being crowned as champs of the 2006 OICF Ethics Bowl. Both teams were excellent and the same can be said about all the teams.

More importantly than who won, the Ethics Bowl provided a tremendous opportunity for area Oregon and Washington business leaders to interact with students in discussions on real world ethical issues and dilemmas...critically important dialogue as these young people become the next generation of community leaders. A piece in the Sunday, March 12 Oregonian highlights both the Ethics Bowl outcome and significance of the overall program. Great quotes from several judges and students.

Thanks again to everyone involved. Britt Davis

http://www.oregonlive.com/search/index.ssf?/base/news/1142137515209380.xml?oregonian?lcg&coll=7

College teams delve into ethical problems
Dilemmas - Students and professionals ponder case studies at the Business Ethics Bowl
Sunday, March 12, 2006
KYM POKORNY

In a world of insider trading and jailed industry leaders, Oregon college students and business leaders gathered Saturday to discuss the fine points of how to keep from sliding down the slippery slopes of ethical dilemmas, some as complex as Enron's financial books.

Teams from the 10 members of the Oregon Independent College Foundation gathered Saturday at the University of Portland for the Business Ethics Bowl. The goal: a big shiny trophy. The outcome: Warner Pacific College, whose members considered themselves the underdogs, took it home.

The long-term consequences could be more important, though.

"These are the employees of the future, and we want them to understand that ethics is a key ingredient in success," said Ernesta Ballard, senior vice president of corporate affairs for Weyerhaeuser Corp. Ballard was a judge at the ethics bowl and the keynote speaker at the dinner Friday night.

But it wasn't just about the students. At least two dozen business leaders from companies such as Schnitzer Steel, Portland General Electric (itself embroiled in a tax controversy with the city of Portland) and Intel stepped up to judge the contest, asking questions to make the students delve even deeper into each of the case studies that made up a match.

"It's good for the business community as well to get together to spend an afternoon discussing ethics," said Scott Andrews, president of Melvin Mark Properties. "One day isn't a silver bullet, but it begins a conversation that will continue."

The 10 teams, each with three to five students, were well-prepared. Given the case studies ahead of time, the competitors were able to study them. But the judges' specific questions were not known in advance and couldn't be rehearsed.

A coin flip decided which team went first in answering the ethical questions raised by the case studies, which ranged from corporate sponsorship on college campuses, to an employee who backdated reports, to a cigar company planning an ad campaign with a cartoon dog. The students, dressed in business attire, huddled as a team to come to a consensus.

"The cases were very real situations, things easily seen in real-world business situations," said judge Kathleen Baker, Pacific Northwest Chief Executive Officer, Union Bank of California. "And one of the things that impressed me was that they had a pretty good grasp of what the ethical issues are."

Heather Phillips, leader of the Warner Pacific team, said the ethics bowl was a new experience for her and her teammates. "Our school doesn't even have a debate team."

Still, they pulled out a win.

"I'm a social-work major, so the whole idea of ethical dilemmas and the need for respect for human dignity go hand in hand," Phillips said. "We need to balance the human need, the social need, with the companies' need to survive.

"I'll certainly take that into the future."

Kym Pokorny: 503-221-8205; kympokorny@news.oregonian.com


--
Britt Davis
Oregon Independent College Foundation
6441 SW Canyon Court, Ste. 240
Portland, OR 97221
Phone: 503-227-7595
Email: britt@oicf.org www.oicf.org

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I feel like I'm the hunch-back-of-Norter-ISDepartment. They made me the here carry three printers and a monitor back and forth girl. And when I thought I was done with slave labor the printer in the lab decided it was going to eat every bit of patience I have left because it keeps jamming itself for no apparent reason, other than to piss me off ! To top it all off I have annoying demanding soccer boys complain in my ear as I wrestle with the printer, that happens to be as big as me and just about as stubburn, into submission so that it will print their damn papers. Why is there no justice in the world?

Beth feel better love!

xoxxo

Tori

Today will be interesting. Their has been so much on my mind and those of you that know and have been listening I'm forever greateful. I was so emotionally drained yesterday. The slightest action put me in a torrent of tears by the end of the day. I felt so lonley standing up to the lions of injustice. I wondered whether it was worth all my effort to fight for the cause I felt so passionately about. It was and I saw the results of my labors this morning and it was worth every prayer and tear I poured into the situation. I hope that my continual effort and prayer will keep causing the situation to manifest in a good way.

Thank you Maria and Mandie for your encouragement and wisdom.

much love,

Tori

Yesterday was unusual and a bit on the not so centered side. Everything seemed to be just a little off. I did what I considered to be fun but it ended up being draining and unproductive. Then I had roomate issues. I really do hate those. It's that feeling of will I ever just be good enough to not have somebody repremend me? Every day it feels like I'm inadequate but I think it's just because I'm the new roomate, the unwanted imposer. It kind of is frusterating.

On the upside I met some pretty awesome gals. I wish I could have known them sooner but I trust that God's timing is right. Already they have been such a blessing and I am encouraged by the uniqueness. They encouraged me last night more than they know!

Love ya new friends!

My alarm shold be shot...

Last night I went to this fabulous coffee shop on 21st and burnside. It was oh so lovely. bridget brought me there and I found many shops and resteraunts that I'm excited to explore.

We were pretending to homework while we were at the said fabulous coffee shop until we realized that some friends from Warner were there. Alina, Heather Phillips, Lance, Lizzie, they all made it nearly impossible to actually get homework done. They are just amazingly halarious. Though I have to say that they all like to throw in sexual inuindos in their jokes. I find them halarious if not crude but I go right along with it.

We all squished into Lance's car for the ride home, and when I say squish I mean I almost had to crowbar myself out of the car once we got home. There is lots of Tori and not as much car...LOL...

I still have ethics to read. The infamous Kant who likes stalking me from class to class. The verdict is out in whether I like Kant or not.

Mucho Love!
cia
Tori

So today was okay. I thought it was going to be a lot worse. No really I went to bed last night like it was the end of the freakin world. Really I think that's just because I knew that I had to pretty much outline the rest of the Bible the next day and man was I not feeling it. I mean it's the flippin Bible to do hardcore intensive outlining for hour after flippin hour is like drinking listerine. My eyes start getting blurry and I start drifting into another dimenstion.

I'm waiting for Bridget right now. She's in class for who knows how long... we are going downtown for coffee and to study. Basically I need my overdose of leagal addictive stimulants to get me going. Heck I might as well get the IV hooked up now! Just pump the caffine in my viens... Okay I'm not quite there yet with my addiction but I'm pretty darn close.

On a postive note...well...on a happier note? Maybe a slightly less pessimistic note? Whatever...

I did outline quite a few chapters and Dr. Carver wrote a smiley face on my last outline... heh.....

Oh and Maria you rock!

<3
Tori

Have you ever been stuck in a room that has had no windows? That you know your breathing weeks of recycled air? I mean that can't be healthy can it? I almost forget that thier is natural light. My only comfort is Damian Rice bringing me sound waves that are pure.

You would think the noisey silence would be madening especially with the constant click of the keys and the scraping of the mouse on the desk. The hardest part is that I contribute to the madness.

Somebody rescue me from the dungeon?

I love xanga but xanga doesn't love me. Or it's more like the computer doesn't like me because it won't download. ahhhhh AND DOUBLE IKKKKK!! Nothing much has happened except that LEVI is comming home............ well got to now and try to kill a computer. Random thought.... I'm sitting next to a guy who thinks he wants to be a priest but he is married, so I don't know how that is going to work.

see ya all later!
Tori

Hello My Beautiful People!!!

So sorry I have been the ultimate space-cadet of the century with keeping up with my LJ... It's just my nature. Yeah anywhoo.... my day has been awkward. Actually since I have been to Warner it's been pretty weird. I don't have my same friends anymore. I have a bunch of new ones but it's not the same. I miss everyone. Especially Levi.....(who was kidnapped by the army.) X_x I miss people at CCC. I do love it here though. I am learning so much and it's pretty cool being in a Christian environment. I decided, for a change of pace, I would put one of my poems up for you to read. Doesn't that sound exciting?!!??!?! I thought so!! Well here it is:

Keep It Real Why hide ourselves in a fake world? Pretending we know what we don't, Hiding behind masks that have no meaning And no dreams of a future more fulfilling Than an emptiness that has no quench to it's Never ending thirst. Why can't we be a light, when together shines so Bright that even the light won't be Ignored by the uncaring hosts of those who Don't have the candle flickering inside the Darkness where they try to hide. Don't be afraid to be who you are Don't be afraid to show that you, My friends, are identified with the Creator. That you represent the savior. Be proud and keep it loud and always Make sure to keep it real. Tori Ramsdell Copyright ©2004 Tori Rene Ramsdell

So that's some of my ermmmm insight... isn't that excitamondo and a half? (Hard to imagine that I'm deep huh????) Well I'll talk to you all soon!

Love, Luck, and Laughter,

Tori

So after reading some of my latest entries I decided that I'm a nutcase. Get your straight-jackets ready psyc-ward, Tori's comming in... (I'm only half joking) I feel sooooo alone out here in Hillsburito I mean none of my friends that I grew up here with really remember me and so I have three children, and an injured step-mom to keep me company. ~is really lonely~ OH well... My friend Kelli has been stopping by to keep me company a lot so I'm not totally alone... SO okay I know I'm whinning but all my friends are like a million miles away in Oregon City. Or in Goregia. (Stupid army stealing my Levi...) OOPS... I'm supposed be getting over it aren't I????????? Ahhhh!!! Little brother just stormed through the room on the way to the loo. I like the English way to say bathroom 'loo' sounds more classy... eehhhmmmmm.... Anyway, so I just called my doctors office and they are so retarded and are not able to figure out how to scheduale me in for shots. The lady said she would have to call me back. She is undoubtabley going to her dictionary to look up the defenition of IMUNIZATION. LOL. Anyway I have to call the post office because they are having difficulties fowarding mail. The government is brilliant. (And I say that with the up most sarcasm.)

love ya,
Tori

It's been a long time since I have updated but whatever. It's harder than I thought to get ready to go to college. There is like wierd loop-holes everywhere. At least I know half the people on staff so it isn't like I don't have a lot of support. I love being around my little brothers. I love the constant hugs and the constant attacks. LOL. My little brother Eric looks up to me a lot. It's so wierd to have him do that.

see ya,

Tori